I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Come see our sink grown plant.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
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