I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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