hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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