you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
