We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Alive.
So much puke
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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