I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
