You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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