Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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