I hate your face
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I have feelings that need drinking.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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