Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
