i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
