Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
