Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
