last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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