my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
