I'm drive I can fine osifer
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
