38 yer olds are good kisserssss
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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