Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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