you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
