handjob tips. give me some.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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