Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
