so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
