So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I need water and some morals
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
