i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
