I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He? As in you personified your dick?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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