Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
