Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
