i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
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You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
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Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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