Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i dont even know how to be here
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
