So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
