i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
