Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
