Kiss
Puke
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
