you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So many bounce houses so little time
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Houston, we have a blender
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
