Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
