A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize