a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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