please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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