I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Everything about him screamed your future.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
