It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
