I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
i believe in u and ur pee
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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