I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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