Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
