you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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