alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I want to fling myself into the sun
You ate ashes out of my bong
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
