I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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