when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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