When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
