a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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