I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
