She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
