Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
