That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
