so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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