Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
