I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
it was like eating out sand paper
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
