i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
