I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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