He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize