i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
