They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You're a waste of cheezeits
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
