Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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