dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
