the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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