and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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