I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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