and she was petting her beer can
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
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I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
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You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I touched a dick in church today
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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