What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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