ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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