Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Life is so much better after having sex.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
