everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
