I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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