haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
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is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
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I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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