Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
