We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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