So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I met the friendliest cop last night
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
