Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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